Today is January 8th, 2017.
I weighted myself less than a week ago (January 3rd) and I found myself completely miserable with what I saw. I was 307 lbs of unhappy. 307 POUNDS. Talk about a breaking point. I had sworn time and time again, that I would never let myself get into the 300’s and then I find myself right where I didn’t want to be.
It’s easy to look from the outside and wonder why anyone would LET themselves get to such an unhealthy point. I know, I use to be one of those people. Now, I know how easy it is to NOT even know that you’re near that point, until you are already there.
I didn’t think I was there. I thought I was doing alright. I thought I was making better choices and on the right track. Obviously, I was missing something. I wasn’t seeing some of the choices I made the way those around me were seeing them. I didn’t think eating that piece of cake, or that bowl of ice cream was going to be an issue later. I just knew my other choices were better. The thing is, how much better can the other choices be, if the rest of my choices are still hindering?
Apparently pretty damn detrimental. Now I am stuck with this weight, this body, and this mindset. THIS ADDICTION.
How many addicts do you know, who think they are fine? I don’t know any who readily know they have an issue. I don’t know any who think they need immediate intervention. I am no different. I am not addicted to eating. I am not someone who needs to be eating all day long or craves food. However, I am addicted to making unhealthy choices. When I do eat, I don’t make the best choices. I figure, I don’t eat a lot, so I can eat things a little less healthy. Uhhmmmm, IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.
I didn’t even begin to own this addiction, this issue, until a couple nights ago. I was grocery shopping with my man and I wanted to buy M&Ms and marshmallows. Of course, I justified each as a “healthier choice” than eating a candy bar of bag of chips. He immediately shut me down. Reminded me that they aren’t good choices. Reminded me of my goal. Reminded me of the changes I NEEDED to make to finally be where I want to be. I GOT MAD. I wouldn’t talk to him. I didn’t like him. He reminded me that I asked him to help, even if I got mad and that’s exactly what he did. An hour later, we talked about it. I cried. I admitted I had a problem with certain food options and I needed help. The next day, I THANKED HIM. He was right and I couldn’t be more thankful to have a partner who is willing to hold me accountable even if it temporarily hurts my feelings.
With that said, it is so important to have people in your corner. People to remind you what you’re working so hard for, in those moments that you simply don’t care to remember for yourself. People who can hold you up when your goals feel impossible. People who believe in you when you show little faith in yourself.
I have those people.
With his help, I have created my first goal.
I have cut out all liquids, except for water (I usually add lemon slices, strawberries, or even pineapple). If we go out, I will allow myself one drink that isn’t water (we don’t go out often). I eat throughout the day – every two to three hours and I do my absolute best to restrain from any bad decisions.
With these little changes, my first small goal is to lose at least 8 more lbs by January 31st. That’s 12 lbs in January.
Starting photos, coming soon!